Friday, September 30, 2005
larry david moment #1 - the roach
As I come into my work area this morning, a nurse shrieks and yells "Dr. Roth. It's a palmetto bug. Kill it...or do something."
I look at the floor, where a 2 inch-long roach scurries into exam room 9. I grab a urine collection container (the little plastic cup with the orange top) and corral the little sucker and show him off to the rest of the staff. There he sits, on the desk, for 3 hours until after lunch, when nurse Mary points out that he may need CPR.
"Take him outside and free him," she said.
I grab the cup with Roachie and walk to the back of the building, to the manicured shrubbery near the driveway here at the Kaiser-Permanente Southwood edition.
"Hey man," yells a delivery guy. "You ain't lettin' that thing go free, are you. You gotta kill it. You know how many babies they have?"
I said I'm here for roach reprieve.
He says, "If you don't kill it, I'll kill it," and he jumps out of the truck.
I open the cup and a stunned Roachie doesn't move for a second or two, then climbs out onto some pine needles.
Here comes the delivery guy, ready to pounce, so I step on and grind what feels like an insect.
The head nurse, coming back from lunch, has now appeared.
"Are you letting him free," she asks. "Are you trying to kill him? Did you kill him?"
"Hell, yes," yells the delivery guy. "You got to kill them. They're unisexual.
"Is he dead? Is he dead? You missed him. You let him go. You should have let me do it," says the driver. I look down and I see no Roachie on the ground or stuck to my shoe.
So the bug is alive, but I'm not off the hook either because the head nurse is pissed that I tried to kill him/her/it -- and whether I succeeded is immaterial.
"I'm disappointed in you, Dr. Roth," she says and walks away in a huff.
"You both crazy," the delivery guy mutters, then he hops into his truck and heads north.
I look at the floor, where a 2 inch-long roach scurries into exam room 9. I grab a urine collection container (the little plastic cup with the orange top) and corral the little sucker and show him off to the rest of the staff. There he sits, on the desk, for 3 hours until after lunch, when nurse Mary points out that he may need CPR.
"Take him outside and free him," she said.
I grab the cup with Roachie and walk to the back of the building, to the manicured shrubbery near the driveway here at the Kaiser-Permanente Southwood edition.
"Hey man," yells a delivery guy. "You ain't lettin' that thing go free, are you. You gotta kill it. You know how many babies they have?"
I said I'm here for roach reprieve.
He says, "If you don't kill it, I'll kill it," and he jumps out of the truck.
I open the cup and a stunned Roachie doesn't move for a second or two, then climbs out onto some pine needles.
Here comes the delivery guy, ready to pounce, so I step on and grind what feels like an insect.
The head nurse, coming back from lunch, has now appeared.
"Are you letting him free," she asks. "Are you trying to kill him? Did you kill him?"
"Hell, yes," yells the delivery guy. "You got to kill them. They're unisexual.
"Is he dead? Is he dead? You missed him. You let him go. You should have let me do it," says the driver. I look down and I see no Roachie on the ground or stuck to my shoe.
So the bug is alive, but I'm not off the hook either because the head nurse is pissed that I tried to kill him/her/it -- and whether I succeeded is immaterial.
"I'm disappointed in you, Dr. Roth," she says and walks away in a huff.
"You both crazy," the delivery guy mutters, then he hops into his truck and heads north.
